Funny Customer Stories Not Always Right
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ORIGINAL: I just love these. How is it possible that people are so stupid?
Also, their website is wonderful, my best friend in school when I am bored. (Actually, I am pretty much obsessed with their website. I check it ever
ORIGINAL: I just love these. How is it possible that people are so stupid?
Also, their website is wonderful, my best friend in school when I am bored. (Actually, I am pretty much obsessed with their website. I check it every morning even before I read my emails.)
So far the idiots are winning.
After reading about these brain dead customers I'm worried for the survival of the human race.
REALLY worried.
On the plus side all the stories made me smile.
Enjoy!
Make it idiot proof.So far the idiots are winning.
After reading about these brain dead customers I'm worried for the survival of the human race.
REALLY worried.
On the plus side all the stories made me smile.
Enjoy!
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For your consideration, my own anecdote:
I work in the property/evidence room for the local Police department. We often field calls from people who know the law better than the officers and try to impress us with this while demanding tha
If you have ever worked ANY kind of customer service position, you will read this book and identify with nearly every anecdote. If you haven't worked customer service, you will read this, laugh, and say "Things like that don't REALLY happen, do they?" YES THEY DO.For your consideration, my own anecdote:
I work in the property/evidence room for the local Police department. We often field calls from people who know the law better than the officers and try to impress us with this while demanding that we give them their stuff back. 99.9% of the time they are wrong. This one was truly special:
Me: Property Room, how may I help you?
Idiot Caller: Yeah, your stupid officer stole mah pills and I want em back.
Me: (resisting the urge to tell her that whoever it was is not MY officer) May I have your name please so that i can look the record up?
IC: *slurs name*
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Would you repeat it for me please?
IC: You is as dumb as that officer, now quit fooling around and tell me how to get mah pills back!
Me: Insulting me is not going to get them back any faster. Would you please spell your name for me?
IC: *gives name, slightly more clearly* Hurry the f--- up and tell me what to do to get mah pills.
Me: There's no need to swear at me ma'am. I see here that your pills were put in as evidence, so you will not be able to claim them until the officer signs a release or a judge gives you an order for us to return them to you.
IC: Whaaaaaat?!? Dat be some bullsh-t! Y'all cain't be takin peoples pills and stuff. *rants in this vein for a few more minutes*
Me: *having looked at the incident report while irate idiot is screaming and swearing at me* Ma'am?
IC: WTF? I need mah dayum pills!
Me: *snapping* Maybe you shouldn't have offered to sell them to the officer when he pulled you over for DUI!
IC: Furreal? I did that? I was pretty tore up. *click*
yeah, some days I love my job......
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Flight attendant: "What can I help you with?"
Passenger #1: "The plane seems to be shaking a lot, and I almost spilled my bottle of water."
Passenger #2: "Yeah, and it's also really noisy. We can barely hear each other talk."
Flight attendant: "Well, the shaking is the turbulence that the plane is flying through, and the noise is coming from the engines."
Passenger #2: "Can't you turn the engines off?"
For more book reviews and exclusive author interviews, go to BookBanter.
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As Norm Feuti eloquently put it in his take on the retail industry and atrocious customers, the worst criminals, politicians, neo-Nazis and everyone else you would rather not deal with have to shop. As a result, those unfortunate enough to work behind the register (offline or on) are subjected to the most horrendous abuse and stupidity, on an almost-daily basis. And yes, these poor souls are required to work on public holidays. Although they may get used to their lot
The Dregs of Society ExposedAs Norm Feuti eloquently put it in his take on the retail industry and atrocious customers, the worst criminals, politicians, neo-Nazis and everyone else you would rather not deal with have to shop. As a result, those unfortunate enough to work behind the register (offline or on) are subjected to the most horrendous abuse and stupidity, on an almost-daily basis. And yes, these poor souls are required to work on public holidays. Although they may get used to their lot in time,
Here are a few of my favourites:
- The racist bigot who refuses to talk to a non-Caucasian.
- A intellectually-challenged/lazy misogynist who didn't even check to see whether his game of choice was going to be released on the PS3.
- Retards who want a refund for renting a "movie that sucked."
- The wealthy parent who assumed that anyone working a cash register cannot be well-educated.
This is an excellent tome to bring with you on long plane trips. The black humour is made even better by its realism.
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The only "disadvantage" is that the website is just as good as the book, having multiple new stories a day and being searchable by category. So the book is better if you want to introduce somebody to the idea of silly customer stories, or if you are taking a trip somewhere without Internet access.
One of my favorites is the one where a lady calls her cell phone company 20 times in 48 hours, each time claiming that her baby is lo The stories about stupid customers are very funny and entertaining.
The only "disadvantage" is that the website is just as good as the book, having multiple new stories a day and being searchable by category. So the book is better if you want to introduce somebody to the idea of silly customer stories, or if you are taking a trip somewhere without Internet access.
One of my favorites is the one where a lady calls her cell phone company 20 times in 48 hours, each time claiming that her baby is locked in her car and on fire and she needs her phone re-connected (never mind that she could just call 911 from whatever phone she's using to call the phone company).
Here's my other favorite story:
Customer: How much is Bud Light?
Bartender: $3.75.
Customer: Well, how much is Miller Light?
Bartender: $3.75.
Customer: Dang! What's the cheapest thing you got in here?
Bartender: YOU! ...more
Sure, in this book you'll find plenty of howtos in dealing with overinflated egos or sheer stupidity. But after you've read every story for the zillionth time, you gotta feel a teensy bit awful for everyone involved, especially the ones being se
Hilarious misadventures of customer service! A good book for humour, a great book for catharsis (for those who barely survived their summer jobs), but - wait for it - an unexpectedly 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒏𝒕 book for unlocking compassion towards the server AND customer!Sure, in this book you'll find plenty of howtos in dealing with overinflated egos or sheer stupidity. But after you've read every story for the zillionth time, you gotta feel a teensy bit awful for everyone involved, especially the ones being served. Isn't it mean to laugh at someone's misfortune when the customer keeps screaming "PUT IN MORE!" after eleven shots of milk? (from page 181... you're welcome 😈) This is one schadenfreude/mudita you don't wanna miss!
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Ho-leee CRAP!! I've worked in various customer service jobs over the past twenty-plus years, and my Lord these people..... I'm honestly glad to say I'm not the only one who dealt with the world's most daft individuals! My husband works full time as a cashier at a grocery store, and horror stories he's shared, honestly I'm so glad I work from home now for myself. Good grief, how did these people survive childhood?! I laughed until I cried on a lot of these, and I sat
The stupid.... It's painful!!!Ho-leee CRAP!! I've worked in various customer service jobs over the past twenty-plus years, and my Lord these people..... I'm honestly glad to say I'm not the only one who dealt with the world's most daft individuals! My husband works full time as a cashier at a grocery store, and horror stories he's shared, honestly I'm so glad I work from home now for myself. Good grief, how did these people survive childhood?! I laughed until I cried on a lot of these, and I sat here face palming quite a bit on others. They're everywhere! Lmao
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So, okay, this book was amusing and a quick read, but I didn't laugh out loud like I did when I read WEIRD THINGS CUSTOMERS SAY IN BOOKSHOPS. 3.75 stars, but since I can't do fractions of stars, I'll give it 4.
This is why I prefer to work behind the scenes!So, okay, this book was amusing and a quick read, but I didn't laugh out loud like I did when I read WEIRD THINGS CUSTOMERS SAY IN BOOKSHOPS. 3.75 stars, but since I can't do fractions of stars, I'll give it 4.
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Excellent stories of bad customers! (or as Scott Adams would call them: induhviduals)
FUNNY stuff! It's like the Darwin Awards, but instead of dying, they're in front of you in the lineup!Excellent stories of bad customers! (or as Scott Adams would call them: induhviduals)
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And then I read through more than 1,000 pages of stories in a single day.
These are incredibly addictive and amusing, and are a wonderful testament to the joy that is working in the customer serv
I stumbled across this book through the Goodreads suggestions after I read Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops. I set it aside on my "to-read" shelf, and then noticed that the book was another one of those that started off as a website. So, to see what I was getting myself into, I went to the website.And then I read through more than 1,000 pages of stories in a single day.
These are incredibly addictive and amusing, and are a wonderful testament to the joy that is working in the customer service industry. Half of the book comes from stories on the website, and the other half from the backlog of stories that are sent to the site each day, but haven't had a chance to get posted yet.
My personal favorite is the tale of the Blue Ting, which is both on the website and in the book.
(I worked tech support for a major software company, specifically with their digital media products. This call was about their video editing software.)
Me: "Thanks for calling ***** tech support.
(The customer gives me her info and has a thick accent I can't place.)
Me: "Great! What can I do for you?"
Her: "Yes. I am trying to edit dees beedio, and eet's blue and blue on de ting."
Me: "So…it's blue, and blue…on the thing?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Where is it blue?"
Her: "On de ting."
Me: "By 'thing,' do you mean the Computer screen or your camera?"
Her: "Yes…de ting."
Me: "Ma'am, I can't see what you are looking at so you'll have to tell me the name of the thing that is blue."
Her: *getting angry* "DE TING!!! Eeet's BLUUUUE AN BLUUUEE ON DE TING!!!!"
Me: "What exactly is blue? The video on your monitor? Are you outputting to TV? The viewfinder on your camera?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Yes…which one?"
Her: *yelling* "DE TING!!!!"
Me: "Ma'am, I'm sorry but I don't understand where you are having a problem."
Her: "THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!! I SPEAK PERFECT ENGLISH!!! MY HUSBAND TAUGHT ME HE WILL BE VERY VERY ANGRY WIT YOU!!! I DEMAND RESPECT!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!"
Me: "Ma'am, I agree. You speak english very very well. The problem I am having is you are not telling me where you are seeing blue video."
Her: "ON DE TIIIING!!!"
(This exchange went on for a while before she got frustrated and hung up. The best part is, my call was being listened to by some higher level support guys. They created an internal troubleshooting document that appeared as follows:)
PROBLEM: VIDEO IS BLUE AND BLUE ON THE THING
SOLUTION: NONE AT THIS TIME
TROUBLESHOOTING:
>(TECH SUPPORT)IS THE THING BLUE? TRY REINSTALLING THE THING
>(TECH SUPPORT) THING REINSTALLED. STILL BLUE
>(ENGINEER) CANNOT RECREATE THING IN LAB.
>(ENGINEER) PROBLEM ALMOST RECREATED. THING RED.
(And so on and so on…)
It's really satisfying, reading through these stories and finding out that there are terrible customers, no matter what field you work in.
But should you ever start to feel bad for the poor customers, for some reason, don't worry. There's a sister site called Not Always Working that collects stories of incompetent or bad workers.
And, as a parting gift, I will leave you with the best story I have, from working as a front desk clerk at a timeshare hotel.
(St. Patrick's Day weekend is pretty big down here. Because we have Bourbon Street. Obviously. One of our timeshares owners waves at me, and then heads out for the night. I think nothing of it. Ten minutes later, her husband comes down to the desk, incredibly drunk, and starts staring at me.)
Me: Yes, can I help you?
Guest: ... (continues to just stare)
Me: Um...can I help you, sir?
Guest: My wife.
Me: Yes, what about your wife?
Guest: Did you see my wife?
Me: Yes, I did. She left about ten minutes ago.
Guest: Where is she?
Me: I don't know. She didn't tell me where she was going.
Guest: Where is she?
Me: Sir, I don't know. I don't keep tabs on where every guest is going when they head outside.
Guest: ...okay.
(He leaves, and the comes back downstairs five minutes later.)
Guest: Where's my wife?
Me: I already told you, I don't know where she is. She went outside. She did not tell me where she was going.
Guest: I need to find my wife. Where is she?
Me: Sir -
Guest: She has diabetes.
Me: Okay?
Guest: Do you know what diabetes are? She can't be alone. She's crazy! She has diabetes.
Me: Have you tried calling your wife's cell phone?
Guest: (starting to get violent) WHERE IS SHE?
Me: I don't know!
(He leaves, then comes back downstairs five minutes later, again.)
Me: Sir, I don't know where your wife is. You need to call her.
Guest: She can't be alone. She's crazy! She has diabetes! She's crazy! Tell me where she is!
Me: I don't know what else I can do to help you.
Guest: (screaming) If you don't tell me where she is, I'm going to call the cops on you!!!
Me: ...
(At this point, my coworker has had enough, and comes to the front desk.)
Coworker: Sir, she already said that she doesn't know where your wife went! Leave her alone.
Guest: My wife has diabetes! She can't be out on her own! I'm going to get the cops here to arrest you, you b*tch!
Coworker: I said leave her alone.
Guest: I'm not talking to you!
Coworker: But I'm talking to you. Now, go back to your room before I call the cops on you for harassing my coworker.
Guest: I'll call the cops!
Coworker: Go ahead and call them! What are you going to charge her with? Hmmm?
Guest: ...
Coworker: ...
Guest: ...I'm going to call my wife's cell phone.
(His wife comes back twenty minutes later.)
Me: ...your husband was looking for you.
Guest's Wife: ...I know. He called me.
(Despite being a timeshare owner, they haven't been back to the hotel since. My coworker still jokes about my magical ability to kill people with the power of diabetes.)
(I'm at the second window of the drive-through where I hand out the food and drinks.)
CUSTOMER: "Excuse me, I ordered a Coke and you gave me a Dr Pepper."
ME: "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll get that fixed right away for you …"
(I return with a Coke.)
ME: "Is there anything else that I can do for you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, I'm sorry, but my husband wanted a Dr Pepper and he got a Coke."
(I realize this customer isn't exactly the brightest person.)
ME:
Quick Amusing Read. Here's a funny example of idiot customers:(I'm at the second window of the drive-through where I hand out the food and drinks.)
CUSTOMER: "Excuse me, I ordered a Coke and you gave me a Dr Pepper."
ME: "I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll get that fixed right away for you …"
(I return with a Coke.)
ME: "Is there anything else that I can do for you?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes, I'm sorry, but my husband wanted a Dr Pepper and he got a Coke."
(I realize this customer isn't exactly the brightest person.)
ME: "So, let me get this straight: You ordered a Coke and a Dr Pepper, but got a Dr Pepper and a Coke?"
CUSTOMER: "Yes."
ME: "Okay, ma'am, I'm sorry about that. I'll be right back with the Dr Pepper."
CUSTOMER: "Thank you!"
(At least she was nice about it!)
Ehh. Why not. There was NOTHING bad about this book because it was just a bunch of outrageously funny conversations between customers and employees. So yeah, good! :)
Ehh. Why not. There was NOTHING bad about this book because it was just a bunch of outrageously funny conversations between customers and employees. So yeah, good! :)
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